


Maybe In The Next Lifetime

by moshmxllo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bad Timings, Grieving, Inspired by Love Rosie, M/M, Mentions of Bokuto / Konoha / Suna, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Old Age, Regrets, Reminiscing, What-If, they are old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25646308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moshmxllo/pseuds/moshmxllo
Summary: Akaashi Keiji and Miya Osamu were childhood best friends. They’ve loved each other all throughout their lives. Deep within their hearts they believed that they were the right person for each other - it’s just that the timing was never right.It took them 50 years, failed marriages, a thousand chances and regrets, and countless what ifs to realize that if they were right for each other, the timing will always be right.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu
Comments: 21
Kudos: 45





	Maybe In The Next Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by Love, Rosie, and Ben&Ben's "Lifetime" (I recommend listening to this while reading)

_“Hey, Keiji?”_

_“Yeah, ‘Samu?”_

_“Why do we always fuck up our relationships? When I think about what went wrong, I can’t seem to figure out why they keep leaving me.”_

_“I don’t know, Osamu. Maybe you’re just not meant to be. That’s what I think about my failed relationships, at least.”_

_“...then, Keiji, if one day we don’t find that one person for us… Can we just be with each other? We can, you know, get married and ultimately get sick of each other until we die.”_

_“You’re my ride or die, ‘Samu. You’re stuck with me, regardless._ ”

-

Keiji wakes up from a dream of a memory from when he was younger. He looks at the empty space beside him and tries to stop himself from crying. It’s been 6 months since Koutarou passed away. They said that things will eventually get better every day, but for Keiji, every waking hour has been akin to hell since his husband’s passing.

He gets up from bed and drags himself to the bathroom to wash his face. He looks at the mirror and for the first time in months, he sees himself properly. The lines of old age have been more obvious ever since he started going to bed and waking up alone in the house that he shared with Koutarou. He looks at himself in the mirror and sees two lifeless eyes staring back at him.

“Why do the people I love always leave me?” Keiji asks himself. A question he’s always asked himself his whole life. He thought of Koutarou as the one with whom he’ll share the rest of his life-- _through sickness and in health. Till death do us part._

Keiji goes out of their--his bedroom and looks around the house. Every inch, every corner, every space in this house has memories of Koutarou. He feels his heart ache. He slaps himself awake and decides to go for a walk. Staying in this house all day doing nothing just makes him remember the years he spent with Koutarou. And even just remembering is painful.

Their house is just a short distance away from the park by the riverbed, where Keiji decided to go for some fresh air. At the ripe age of 65, he can no longer go further than nearby places.

Keiji brought coffee that he made at home and sits on one of the benches in front of the river. He closes his eyes and tries to clear his mind. It’s a cold and quiet autumn morning and the white noise gives him peace.

An hour passed and all he did was watch the steady stream of the river. Seeing the quiet and steady flow of the water cleared his mind of all the pain and loneliness. He tells himself that he could do this every morning until all the darkness in his heart disappears. He decides to go home, and when he is about to leave the space he had occupied for the past hour, he looks up and sees a familiar face. _Too familiar_ , he thinks to himself.

“Hey, Keiji.” the tall man called, looking just as surprised as he is.

“Osamu… it’s been a long time.” Keiji stares at the man in front of him and sees an older version of the boy he knew since his teenage years. The same boy who told him that if one day they end up being alone, they should just be together instead.

“Yeah… too long.” Osamu smiles at him, and he feels his chest tighten. Osamu is still a very handsome man despite all the lines and wrinkles and freckles on his face.

“H-how have you been? How’s Rin?”

“Ah, Rintarou? He left some years ago. Let’s not talk about it - hey, I’m sorry about Koutarou. How are you doing?”

“Yeah, it’s been really hard. Never thought that I’d be living the last years of my life without him. But hey, who knew that even after all these years we both still get left behind by the people we love?”

“I’m starting to think that we’re doomed to live and die alone.”

“I guess nothing really ever changes, Osamu. 50 years have passed and we’re still the same.”

-

Keiji invites Osamu back to his house. If they were at least 10 years younger, it would have been more than okay for them to sit on the benches at the park all day if they had to.

Osamu has never been to the Bokutos’ house. He hasn’t visited their hometown since Keiji’s wedding with his second husband, Koutarou. He let his eyes wander and saw a wall of photographs in the living room. Keiji took photographs of every big moment in his life. _Capture the moment_ , as Keiji likes to say while making the gesture of a snapshot. Osamu slowly walks to the living room and looks at the photos on the wall. Some he recognized because they were from their childhood, some he doesn’t know because they were photos from the time he wasn’t in Keiji’s life.

Osamu settled on the couch that was just big enough for two people.

“So, what are you doing in this stinky town?” Keiji asked as he placed a cup of coffee on the table in front of them and sat beside him.

“How dare you call our hometown stinky,” Osamu chirped.

“It wasn’t stinky when you were still here.”

-

_Osamu went to a college in the city, so Keiji and their other friends planned a whole going away party for him. They drank and partied all night, with the fact that this is the first time they’re going to be away from each other since the day they met just hanging above their heads. One thing led to another, and all they heard were cheers and jeers from their friends when Keiji was straddling Osamu’s lap, both becoming braver with every shot of alcohol. Osamu was holding onto Keiji’s waist as if his life depended on it, and Keiji felt like he just sold his soul to the devil when he inched closer to Osamu’s face, lips barely touching, air thick with sexual tension. Keiji looked at Osamu and saw that he had a sad expression on his face. He panicked and stood up from his lap, sat beside him and put his head on Osamu’s shoulder, and they stayed like that until they fell asleep, not one of them saying a word._

_“I’m sorry,” Osamu whispered to Keiji as he gave him one last hug before he left. Keiji didn’t feel the need to ask--he already knew why. Not the right time. Not when you’re leaving me._

-

“Just visiting. We don’t really have a lot of time left on earth, y’know. I’ve been going to places I want to go to while I still can.”

“Yeah? And what’s so good about this place aside from it being your hometown?”

“This town has that one barber shop that gave me the haircut in high school that got me popular with the ladies and gents. Been wanting to get a dope fade for _years_.”

“Samu… People our age don’t get ‘dope fades’. But, that’s it?” Keiji gave him a questioning look.

“Well, there’s… You. You’re here.” Osamu said as he drank his coffee, avoiding eye contact with Keiji.

Keiji just looked at him with a blank expression. _If I was the reason why this place is so good, then why did you leave in the first place? What if you never left? What could have we been?_ He thought, but didn’t say out loud.

-

_Their old habits of hanging out after school became daily phone calls talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Then the daily phone calls became a weekly thing, and then they became too busy and caught up with their separate lives that the phone calls were just for important events, or moments when they needed someone to listen._

_The first time Osamu called Keiji after some time that felt like an eternity, Osamu seemed distraught. It has only been a year since he left town. Keiji heard the worry and panic in his voice and tried to soothe him over the phone. They stayed quiet for a while until Osamu broke his silence and said,_ I knocked up my girlfriend. _Girlfriend? Keiji was so shocked that he forgot to breathe--he didn’t know Osamu had a girlfriend, he was only finding out about this and the girl’s pregnant? They were only 21 years old, how can Osamu take on a big responsibility like this? Keiji took a deep breath and the only thing he said to him was,_ “You’re gonna be a great dad, Samu.”

-

“I hope you didn’t travel all the way here alone, Samu. Your body’s not as strong as when we were younger.” Keiji said as he looked at Osamu’s frail figure, realizing that the both of them probably could no longer stand the test of time.

“No,” He laughs. “I made my daughter come with me. Begged her, actually. She’s never been here, and I wanted her to see the better parts of my life.”

“Yikes. That must have been hard for her to hear.” Keiji jokes, and Osamu laughs again. God, it’s been so long since he heard that laugh. It all felt familiar and Keiji finds comfort in reminiscing the better parts of _his_ life.

“Well, most of my life hasn’t been easy, Keiji.” _Maybe my life wouldn’t suck as much if you had been there with me,_ Osamu thinks.

Keiji only smiles at him and puts a hand on his shoulder. They can no longer make up for lost time, all they can do now is to look back on the life they lived when they were together, and when they were apart.

“Hey, don’t feel bad for me. I only said it wasn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t good.”

“Huh? I don’t feel bad at all, though?”

“It’s the way you smiled at me. It’s one of your smiles - you smile like that when you feel bad and you feel that you can’t do anything to make things better. A smile that never reaches your eyes.”

“Ah, I forgot that Aki wrote about them before.” Keiji removes his hand from Osamu’s shoulder and sighs.

-

_The next time they talked on the phone was on Keiji’s 25th birthday. Keiji sent Osamu an invitation for his wedding with his first husband, Akinori. Keiji went on and on about how perfect Akinori is as a boyfriend, and how he proposed by writing a whole editorial on their university newspaper about Keiji’s five smiles and how he would love to see all of them every day for the rest of his life. Keiji didn’t know that on the other side of the line, Osamu was on his 5th bottle of beer, thinking about every one of Keiji’s smiles for every bottle he drank. Keiji didn’t know that Akinori only knew about his five smiles because Osamu told him about them._

_Osamu was Keiji’s best man. He gave the toast and had a speech about how happy he is for his best friend because he finally found his soulmate, the one he’ll spend the rest of his life with. Osamu promised to give Akinori hell if he hurts Keiji in any way._

_Two and a half years later, Osamu got a phone call. Keiji was sobbing, words incomprehensible, and all he can hear were the words_ “Aki” “fucking jerk” “left me” “bitch” “Kaori” _coming out of his mouth repeatedly._

_Osamu asked him where he was and Keiji said that he was outside Osamu’s apartment. He opened the door ever so slightly and saw Keiji sitting on the floor with a small luggage beside him. Keiji saw him and immediately stood up to hug Osamu, but as he moved closer he saw someone standing behind Osamu, looking very concerned. Osamu introduced him as Rin, short for Rintarou, his boyfriend, and they just moved in together. Keiji could only apologize for coming without telling him, apologized that he might be interrupting, apologized for acting that way in front of possibly the love of Osamu’s life. Keiji walked away with his heart even more broken, and Osamu just let him._

-

The heat of the sun coming in through the window warms the inside of Keiji’s house. They have been sitting in Keiji’s living room just reminiscing and talking about their shenanigans in high school - the time when Osamu got his first piercing and convinced Keiji to get his ears pierced too so they would match. Keiji didn’t get to keep his piercing because he got an earful from his parents so he had to take it out, but Osamu’s still wearing a shiny stud on one of his earlobes to this day. _You can never outgrow cool_ , he said.

They were so busy catching up that they didn’t realize that it was almost time for lunch. They were having a conversation about how Keiji went through college juggling academics and two orgs, when they both heard the loud rumbling of Osamu’s stomach.

“Oops, gotta do something about that, chief. Stay here, I’ll go make us some lunch.” Keiji says as he stands up to go to the kitchen.

“Do you need any help? I’m good at cooking, remember.”

“Haha, I know you are, but you’re also a guest. I may be old but I’m still strong enough to prepare lunch, you know. This might take some time, though. Will you be able to wait?” Keiji kept talking while he was getting some meat and vegetables from the fridge.

“Yes, I can.” _I can always wait if it’s for you, Keiji_.

Osamu watches Keiji from the living room as he prepares lunch for the two of them. He basks in the domesticity of all this, and starts thinking about the _what ifs_ \- What if he ran after Keiji and made him stay when he went to his apartment after Akinori left him? What if he didn’t beg Rin to stay after they had a huge fight because his ex-girlfriend suddenly came back and left their daughter in his care because she can’t afford to raise her anymore, and Rintarou doesn’t want to be a step-dad to a kid he didn’t even know existed? What if it was Keiji who brought up his daughter together with him? Would his life suck less?

Osamu shakes away the thoughts brewing in his head and sees Keiji inviting him to the dining table. They eat their lunch in silence, as if they were exhausted from all the talking they’ve been doing for the past couple of hours. It doesn’t feel awkward at all--if anything, it’s the most comfortable silence Keiji has ever felt in a long time.

“Keiji,”

“‘Samu,” Keiji paused before continuing to eat his lunch.

“What if we actually did what we promised to each other before?” Osamu asked. Keiji could not paint the expression on his face. He tries to name an emotion for it, but all he can think of is that Osamu looks like he was _longing_.

“Which promise? We made a lot of promises to each other.”

“The one where I said that if the time comes and we still haven’t found the one for us, we could just be together instead. The two of us.” Osamu looks at anything except Keiji’s face.

“...but I found the love of my life, ‘Samu. He just happened to leave me earlier than he was supposed to.” Keiji bites the inside of his cheeks and thinks of Koutarou. He truly believed that he was the love of his life. He believed that even after his death, he would still continue to love Koutarou. He vowed to love him until his last breath, until they meet again in the afterlife.

But his love for Osamu was different. It was the kind of love that is unconditional and ever forgiving. Even through the times when Osamu was out of his reach, he still loved him. Thinking back, they could have really ended up together if they just took the chance, but the timing was never right. There was never really a time when both of them were not committed to anyone. Keiji had Aki, then Kou. Osamu had Rintarou for a very long time. They wished happiness for each other even if they weren’t together.

-

The rest of their afternoon was spent with stories about the life that Koutarou lived. Osamu knew him well, he was the one who introduced him to Keiji since Koutarou were friends with Osamu and twin brother, Atsumu. Osamu told him stories about the time when Keiji still hadn't met Koutarou. Keiji wished he was at Kou's funeral so the people that loved him dearly would also hear how amazing he was when he was still living. But that’s the thing about Kou - he has such a big energy and he can light up the room with his presence alone. Everyone who knows him was lucky enough to have met him in this lifetime.

“He truly was a great man. I hope I was able to give him the kind of love that he deserved.” Keiji tears up at the memory of his late husband.

“I’m sure you did, Keiji. Anyone who was able to receive any kind of love that you were willing to give is blessed. As your best friend, I can say that I’m one of them,”

“It’s getting late,” Keiji stands up and clears the table.

Osamu looks at the window and sees the sun about to set. He texts his daughter the address to Keiji’s house so she can come pick him up. Their hotel’s not too far away from here.

Osamu thinks that this could be the last time he’ll ever see Keiji, so he musters up his courage. _Now or never_ , he says to himself. _I don’t want to die regretting that I never told him._

“Hey, Keiji?”

“Yeah, ‘Samu?” Keiji answers while doing the dishes, so he had his back on Osamu.

“I’ve always loved you. Not just as best friends.” This time, Osamu was looking at Keiji’s back. Not looking at anywhere else.

Keiji freezes. He shouldn’t be surprised, he knew all this time even without Osamu telling him. But hearing him finally say those words made his heart drop to his stomach and all the butterflies escaped the cage he’s been silently keeping them in.

Keiji gulps. He drops the dishes in the sink and turns around and sees him - sees Osamu’s handsome face being enveloped by the warm colors of the sunset. He was staring back at him, too. It feels unreal - it was as if they were 19 again, standing on the Miyas’ driveway to send him off to college. Every _what if_ that he’s ever said to himself all throughout his life came crashing on him in one fluid motion. What if they talked about what happened at the party? What if he told Osamu that they can make it even with the distance between them? What if he had told him, at 19, that he was deeply in love with him?

“I loved you, too, Osamu. But--” _But we can no longer make up for lost time._

“Shh… I know, I know. I probably just can’t leave here without telling you how I felt. How I’ve felt all this time.” Osamu stands up and embraces Keiji - all of Keiji.

“I really wished you were my soulmate, ‘Samu.”

“Me too, Keiji.”

 _But if we really were meant to be together, the timing will always be right._ Both of them know this.

They stayed in each other’s arms for a while, and Keiji hears Osamu hum a song from when they were younger. Keiji hums along with him, then quietly sings the lyrics to the song. _Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?_

“Hey, ‘Samu.”

“Yeah, Keiji?”

“Before you leave… will you dance with me?”

Osamu smiles and kisses his forehead.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

-

Keiji put on the song that they were humming in the kitchen and faces Osamu, who has been waiting to slow dance with him. _He looks like he’s waited all his life to take this dance_ , Keiji thinks to himself and chuckles.

They took each other’s hand and put the other on their backs, and started swaying to the slow and steady melody of the song.

_Was it the wrong time_

_What if we tried giving in a little more_

_To the warmth we had before?_

They think of every kiss and embrace they never gave to each other, every moment they wished the other was with them to witness a great milestone in their lives. They think of all the chances, all the regrets. The _what-ifs._ The _what-could-have-beens_. They can’t help but think about the time they wasted trying to look for love in other people, when it could have just been each other…

And then they think about why. They had a whole lifetime to start again from the beginning, tell each other how they feel, and to finally feel the utter bliss of being in each other’s arms. But why do they always miss? Why has there never been a time when they were both available, both willing to take a chance? They thought that they were the right person for each other, and the timing’s just not right… but they think, once again, that if they were truly meant for each other, the timing will always be right.

It took them 50 long years, failed marriages, a thousand chances and regrets, and countless what-ifs to figure out that they were not meant to be together. At least not in this lifetime.

“Dad?” A woman’s voice comes from the doorway. Osamu’s daughter. It was time for them to go.

“Keiko. Give me just one more minute, honey.” Osamu said without looking at her and continued to slow dance with Keiji.

“Do you want to know how I came up with her name?” Osamu whispers to Keiji.

“Mmhm.” Keiji hums in confirmation.

“When she was born, I wasn’t in your life. I named her Keiko, because I still wanted a part of you in mine.”

They stop slow dancing, but Osamu is still holding Keiji’s hand. Osamu gives him one last look and smiles, and Keiji gives him his favorite smile - one that reaches his eyes, the one smile that truly comes from his heart.

“Maybe in the next lifetime, Keiji.”

**Author's Note:**

> My humble contribution to the osaaka nation~
> 
> This is the first fic I've ever written! I've been in so many fandoms in the past, I cannot believe that my week-long osaaka brainrot got me to write? A FIC? (screams) I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> Thank you to my friends who beta read this. You know who you are.
> 
> P.S: the part about the five smiles was stolen from the movie Win A Date With Tad Hamilton!, I loved that movie so much.
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/kkodzukenn) | [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/kkodzukenn)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [my heart is screaming out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27152482) by [lunarwaves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarwaves/pseuds/lunarwaves)




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